Am I doing something wrong?

Blue Theory : constant average of 440, but with a Xmas dropout (schools out)? Or...

Red Theory : I'm losing 10 visitors a day (due to crap content or whatever?).

January 2010 will tell us. Have a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year anyway :-)

Comments (3) :
Liz Hinds responds to this and my plea for Atheism too :- "Happy New Year early or happy Christmas late. My blog visitors, although never reaching your totals, have also dropped during December. I've been so busy I haven't been doing much visiting so reciprocity - is there such a word? - perhaps, or everyone's too busy? I love the religions of the world explanations but have to argue that there's nothing about faith that prevents questioning and 'suffer' is an old variant on 'allow' - as you well know!"
Four Dinners interprets the statistics as self-pity and chides me thus :- "Am I doing something wrong? oh bugger off you daft sod!!!! Your blog is entertaining / informative / confusing/ fun / bewildering / addictive. Not necessarily in that order. Look - I'm not supposed to preach to you................... Have a Happy and peaceful New Year my friend. I, for one, love your blog. So there. 4D x
ps...whilst you may not (as yet) be getting any comments from them. I know for a fact that there are at least a dozen students at Queen Mary's University in East London who are reading your blog 'cause Jax does and they are frequently in her room when she does. If you like I'll ask them to comment to prove it - the kids of today eh? They never think to show appreciation!....;-)"
Vic and Laurene assure me I am being read in hot and humid Burundi. Yes, I confess I had to look that up on a map, being lousy at geography. Jax, help needed! :-)

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 30, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Dyslexia redux

A fter my recent post on dyslexia, I've just been sent the following comment :-

And you know what is even more amazing? Not only could I read it at once, but I could also spot instantaneously the two spelling mistakes - "rdgneig" is not an anagram of anything, let alone "reading", nor is "rscheearch" an anagram of anything, let alone "research" - and the grammatical error - the word "a" is missing before "porbelm". So, "UdderBuffoonery.com", if you are going to publish 'jokes' like this, at least get them right please! ;-)

And you merely need to misplace a single letter consistently to get a hilarious result :-

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 28, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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A Xmas Broadcast to the Nation ;-)

Our husband and us would like to share this message with our subjects, most of whom will be celebrating this festival of secular consumerism, be it called Xmas or Channukah or whatever, regardless of their particular religion . . .

Some religions (ours) are better than others, so we celebrate this today...

Perhaps we should ask "What is Christianity?, so we asked an acknowledged expert :-

But his opinion was biased "Suffer, little children, who come unto me..."
And we had to take other deviants variants into account :-

Turns out that the common denominator is the belief that a two- thousand-year-old jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically drink his blood and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple off a magical tree in a wonderland.

However, if you can't swallow that (sic!) , there is a rational alternative...

Faith does not give answers, it only prevents you doing any questioning. You are as atheist as I am. When you understand why you don't believe in all the other gods, you will know why I do not believe in yours. Here endeth the first lesson ;-)

Comments (5) :
Jenny (Ibiza) scanned the car-window sticker she is sending me by snail-mail. Ta,lass!
Gudrun (D) is "...looking forward to the day that all Scriptures have to bear an ingredients-warning just like tinned food and that bookstores & libraries have to place them in the Fiction section, see accompanying photo ;-)"

Klaus (USA) : "I liked your last blog (Xmas broadcast to the Nation) very much.."
Pierre (CA) : "Get a taste of religion; join us cannibals :-)" OK Hannibal.
Babs (USA) points us to this video of George Carlin on Angels ;-)

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 25, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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The Real Celebrities : a Xmas quiz

As Xmas rolls around, we will be getting (repeats of) boring TV programs again on the idiot-lantern. Some will be with second-rate 'celebrities', whom we may - to our eternal shame - actually recognise. Silicon-enhanced women and brainless Big Brothers, third and fourth-raters, the proletariat of the modern media.

And yet, if I asked you to identify the scientists in the photo below, all of whom made discoveries and inventions that improve (and prolong) your everyday lives, most of us - to our eternal shame - could not name more than a handful, if we manage that :-(

So here is my challenge to my blogreaders. Look at the T(op), M(iddle), and B(ottom) rows and - numbering the people from left to right, tell me who they are (in any order)

Tip : they are all physicists, all famous, some even Nobel prize-winners. Most of you will recognise the man at B5 and perhaps even the woman at B3. Photo is from 1927.
So send me your comments, and we'll see how many real celebrities we can get ??

Comments (8) :
Horst (D) at once claimed : "B2 Max Plank, B3 Madame Curie, B5 Einstein". Correct :-)
Karin (CH) says : "The curly haired man at T6, without his cat, is Schrödinger. And that's Nils Bohr on the far right of the middle row (M9)." Also correct, well done! :-)
Phillippe (B) tells us : "B4, between Curie & Einstein, is Lorentz". I didn't know that!
John (GB) informs "The men behind Einstein are Dirac and Compton". Correct! :-) 4D : "The guy in the middle of the middle row [That's P.A.M. Dirac] looks alarmingly like my grandad ;-)...." I thought mine looked like Heisenberg(T8),but I'm uncertain ;-)
John (GB) , contributing to our knowledge again, adds "And the guy at M7 - looking like an oily wave mechanic - is in fact De Broglie, Nobelprizewinner :-)" Yup!
Sarah (QMC@UK) has a Doppler-Effect bumper-sticker physicists' in-joke for us :-

"The Doppler effect accounts for the change in pitch of a locomotive's whistle or car's horn when the vehicle passes you. One semi-tone = 48 km/h (˜30mph)."
Brian (UK) points out correctly that "- given the names mentioned so far - they would (only?) have all got together at one of the Solvay conferences. Wikipedia has details.."

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 23, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Copenhagen Hot Air :-(

But there is no reserve 'chute, so they decided to do nothing :-(

Comments (1) :
Horst points out "Global warming? We had -30°C in Germany last night...". Here we had -18°C according to our garden thermometer. Makes we worry if the radiator coolant in my vehicles goes down that far, or whether we'll have burst radiators? :-(

Photo found on the web by Stu Savory on December 20, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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For Motor-racing Fans

FYI : the circuit shown on the left is the ˜13 mile long Nordschleife @ Nürburgring

Comparison found on the web by Stu Savory on December 19, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Same old Song ;-)

10 golf groupies, waiting for a ball
10 golf groupies, up against the wall
But if 1 golf groupy should accidentally phall
There'll be 9 golf groupies banged in the hall

9 golf groupies, looking oh so fine
9 golf groupies, first going out to dine
But if 1 golf groupy should really once say "Nein!"
There'll be 8 golf groupies [none of whom are mine :-( ]

8 golf groupies, looking like jail bait
8 golf groupies, with purpose or by fate
But if 1 golf groupy refused one night to mate
There'll be 7 golf groupies none wanting more to wait

7 golf groupies, all babes with looks from heaven
7 golf groupies, their engines all arevvin'
But if 1 golf groupy runs away with Kevin
There'll be 6 golf groupies instead of sexy seven

6 golf groupies, none of whom are hicks
6 golf groupies, all fond of mighty Dicks
But if 1 golf groupy has no naked pix
There'll be 5 golf groupies all waiting for their kicks

5 golf groupies, beauties to adore
5 golf groupies, none virgin any more
But if 1 golf groupy turns out to be a whore
There'll be 4 golf groupies all feelin' mighty sore

4 golf groupies, leaned against a tree
4 golf groupies, holey as can be
But if 1 golf groupy wants to charge a fee
There'll be 3 golf groupies frisky as can be

3 golf groupies, none of whom do rue
3 golf groupies, of blonde haired hue
But if 1 golf groupy doesn't have a clue
There'll be 2 golf groupies one of whom'll do

2 golf groupies, shagging in the sun
2 golf groupies, both waiting to be done
But if 1 golf groupy turned out to be a nun
There'll be 1 golf groupy wanting twice the fun

1 golf groupy, (a score would weigh a ton)
1 golf groupy, but away the guy did run
'cos his own woman had a driver (not a gun!)
And the count of his groupies reduced itself to none ;-)

NB: All characters in this song are works of fiction! Even those NOT in the song.

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 17, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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This is a Fire Rainbow - the rarest of all naturally occurring atmospheric phenomena. This photo was captured last week on the Idaho/Washington border (in the US of A).
The display lasted about 1 hour. Clouds have to be Cirrus, at least 20,000 feet up at those latitudes in winter, with just the right amount of ice crystals and the sun has to hit the clouds (which must have a wide horizontal spread) at precisely 58 degrees.

Photo sent via a long Email chain, originating from Mariann Phelan, to whom I attribute the picture. She asked that we "Pass along for others to see!". That is really quite beautiful, Mariann, so I'm only too pleased to comply with your request :-)

Comments (1) :
Four Dinners : " Oh WOW oh WOW oh WOW!!!! It can be an amazing world can't it? Allright, humanity is here but even we can't screw it up totally!!!! er...can we....?"

Relayed by Stu Savory on December 15, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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A necessary precondition ;-)

M eanwhile, over at Dictionary.com :-

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 13, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Othello

It was a dark and stormy night (erudite blogreaders will recognise the quotation, others may Google for it), and as a result wind-turbines all over the nation were producing a large amount of electricity. But since over 90% of the population had gone to bed (ohm,sweet,ohm) the current (sic!) demand for electricity was less than the supply. Owners of traditional base-demand power stations were in a dilemma. The law requires them to accept all the 'green' power offered to them at a high and government-stipulated price designed to encourage people to build more 'green' power sources, but economics demands that they keep their base-demand power stations running at optimal output levels. Powering them down and then back up again is a slow and costly cycle. And so the owners of traditional base-demand power stations try to resell the surplus wind-power, even accepting exorbitantly negative prices to shed this excess supply into foreign power (geddit?) networks.

The negative prices get tacked on to the cost of producing the base-demand power and so the end-consumers end up paying more for their electricity twice. Not only being charged proportionately for the high cost of 'green' power but also for having to shed the extra capacity at times of low demand :-(

Not only is there a need for demand-modelling (which is quite good these days), but it seems we need better supply-modelling too for the (erratic!) green sources. As the Copenhagen talks proceed we will probably hear less of the downsides as I have described them above. Here we have an overcapacity of 'dirty'-power generation :-(

Comments (2) :
Four Dinners (UK) tells us : " I wrote a letter to out government ages ago offering my garden for the building of 'wind turbines'. All I asked for was that I pay zero tax in return. I am genuinely amazed they failed to even reply. I am naive....;-)"
Jane (Ibiza) asks "Why is this post headed 'Othello' ?" Because he too was a dark and stormy knight, Jane; it's a pun ;-) I'm re-reading the bard's plays at the moment....

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 11, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Xis Peepol wiht dislegyax

• Athaag Cherstiie
• Yaj Onle
• Rech
• Zzoy Ousbnroe
• Poowhi Geldborg
• Raike Nekielgth

Nwo deonst thta lsti encuoarge yuo waek spleeesr ?

Comments (3) :
Kerstin (Austria) replies in kind :- "Now we know you still have a dodgy knee from your motorcycle accident, so presumably you'd write that 'dis leg sick' ;-) "
Four Dinners (UK) decoded:- "Agatha Christie - easy, Whoopi Goldberg - easy, now I have a problemette... erm...um... ah!!! Yes!!!! Cher.....allright I'm slow.... erm...um...ah!!! Yes!!! Ozzy Osbourne!!!! er....ah...um... Jay Leon? whoever he is? um...erm.... oh bugger this for a game of soldiers....;-)" Four Dinners, I have a great pseudonym for you when you become a driving instructor : 'Sunnier Ford' , which is an anagram of 'Four Dinners' :-)
Pergelator teased : "Nwo deonst thta lsti encuoarge yuo waek spleeesr ? ..... Now doesn't that list encourage you weak speelers? ..... I never lurned to read or speel so well." You actually noticed! I put that in just to see how many blogreaders were paying attention; cognitive dissonance usually does the rest. Well done, eagle-eyed Charles:-)

Copyright ^© Vary our stats on December 9, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Product Name FAIL ;-)

Made in China. No market research for Western markets. Chinglish, of coarse ;-)

Comments (4) :
Doctor C42 (Germany) contributes this tip "Let me point you to a nice little website : http://www.engrish.com (check the adult section as well... quite a laugh)". Wilco. As the nights get darker now, I wanted a reflective sticker for the back of my parka and for the dogs' collars. Only when I got the purchase home, did I read the label as shown :-)
Anna (Germany) points out in floristic pride that "Our National Garden Show - the BundesGartenAusstellung - has as its acronym BUGA !" Yes, Anna, and I'm pretty sure that Terry Pratchett's Foul Ole Ron would have said that often ;-)
Mike, currently serving with the British Army in Kabul in Afghanistan, tells us that the Army Rumour Service is called ARRSE ;-)
Four Dinners (UK) opined :- "Product name FAIL.....don't get me started!!! If you walk around Southall and Hounslow you get 'FUK U' soup...I have no idea.... you get 'SHITE LENTILS'.... I kid you not..... Maybe some immigrants have a use after all eh?....;-) I am fully aware of ARRSE after working for sometime with Captain Basil (who was actually called Mike...no...it can't be...surely...he's mad as a hatter...they'd never take him back!!!!.... Centre page spread in The Mail On Sunday headed 'The Bully of Deepcut'.... surely not old Basil!!!!)"

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 7, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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A Change of Name ?

In compliance with the law on Truth in Advertising, will Tiger Woods change his name to Tiger's Woody ? ;-)

Comments (3) :
Klaus (Alaska) sent this photoshop of the Tiger Woods family Xmas card ;-)
Four Dinners (UK) agrees "... I do like the idea of Tiger's Mrs laying into him with a golf club. Classic stuff!!!!"
John (Canada) puns "You must admit he has great taste, all those wimmen are real lookers! I'd sink a long putt into any of them, and fancy getting a hole in one (let alone three, or fore). ". Yup, John, I'd like to bunker too ;-)

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 4, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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Hogmanay Gifts from Scotland arrive early :-)

J ust last month, Scotland 4 the Senses - a blog written by a hedonistic Canadian lady currently living in Edinburgh, Scotland - suffered a fit of absolute generosity and offered her blogreaders some of her favourite local DVDs (see above). My wife Cornelia wrote off and applied begged for one, and it has since arrived safely and in a timely manner, despite the vagaries of the British postal service :-).

So this is just to say thankyou to both of you, SWMBO and Scotland 4 the Senses, naturally, I shall watch it at Hogmanay of course :-)

Anticipatory thanks too, to Morag on the Isle of Skye, who has promised me a bottle of Tactical Nuclear Penguin if she can get hold of some. This is in revenge for the two bottles of Pinkus Müller's Special Old Ale which I have sent her for Hogmanay :-)

These are but two examples of the true spirit(s) of an Atheist Xmas - purely hedonistic giving of gifts - without the need for a fictitious Jewish megalomaniac already ;-)

In line with this, may I recommend Terry Pratchett's Hogfather as a Xmas / Hannukah/ Hogmanay gift, either as a DVD (really good), or the book (which is even better) :-)

Comments (5) :
George (England) points us to the BBC article "What is the appeal of Scottish identity?" ; Nostalgia, old bean, aka For Auld Lang Syne ;-)
Four Dinners wrote :- "Howdo Stu, you well old bean? 'course you are!!!! Hogfather? Absolutely supurb. You know I've never read a 'bad' Pratchett. Certainly I have my favourites but never ever a 'bad' one. Particularly partial to any 'DEATH' ones, 'Mort' being a particular favourite, whilst 'Maurice and his Amazing Educated Rodents' whilst garnering awards for childrens books is, I think, another top notch effort. Now how about 'Thud!', there's another....oh sod this I'll end up listing his books..... Anyroad. Edinburgh Tattoo eh? Saw it live once as a kid. Around 12 I think. Thought it was marvellous then and, having watched it on TV many times since, still enjoy it thoroughly. Very generous indeed of the lady!" I prefer Weatherwax & Vetinari...
Kevin (Eire) asks "... just clicked on the link to Cornelia; so which one is your bird? Or both of them? Ow'll you manage with two (in the bush?)..." Groan! PUNish 'im!
Löst Jimmy said "Now those Penguins are lethal - careful now ;-)"
Mehmet (UK) tells us it's not just Islam that bans strong beers :-(

Copyright ^© Stu Savory on December 1, 2009 permalink Comments Email

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