Yclept Answering Machine
Oh weh, O yea. Mail flood. It seems that
Mandarin Design recommends me as
an answering machine where
Ask Jeeves
can't help. I'm not, OK? And in particular, I don't do schoolkids'
homework assignments for them, so stop asking! That said, I've picked out a
couple of the more interesting Emailed questions:-
Numbers : A US highschool pupil's question was : Thanks for explaining why 26 letters, now tell us
why only 10 numbers, Why not 11,12 or 13?
Actually, there are infinitely many numbers, you
probably meant digit. Latin for finger. Man is the measure
of all things. We count to base 10 because we have 10 fingers. 10 is
actually pretty impractical, only having divisors 2 and 5.
In the past, for practical purposes, the Anglo-Saxons used 12.
12 is divisible by 2,3,4, and 6.
Thus 12 pence to the pound in the old sterling(UK) currency.
Threepenny bits and sixpence coins.
And farthings and groats. In the US you have a coin called a quarter,
four to the dollar.
From a mathematical point of view, we
would prefer to count to a prime base like 11 or 13. Know why?
Consider the decimal 0.36 ; as a fraction it is expressible as 36/100 or 18/50 or 9/25 or 108/300 etc.
With a prime base every systematic fraction would be
irreducible, Lagrange knew this back in his day too. Little green extraterrestrials may indeed count to a prime base.
In his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, Douglas Adam's aliens claim that 6*9=42.
And given that this were true, then we can deduce that the aliens count to
base 13, because 4*13+2=6*9=54(decimal)=5*10+4. Want to know a neat fraction?
Calculate 355/113 :-)
BTW, the man in the photo here is Godfrey Hill, from England. His only regret in life
is never having been able to buy a pair of gloves! (Tip: count his fingers).
Crypto : From California, Jesus asked Can you publish what you want
about code-breaking? Isn't that helping terrorists? What crypto do you
recommend professionally? No. What gets
published and what you can export are limited by the
Wassenaar arrangement,
which I respect. I just publish simple stuff, keeping the rest between
my ears :-) And their coding, which they teach in
chapter 13 of the Jihad manual is pretty straightforward stuff.
Jobwise, I recommend the
AES Rijndael algorithm, and
Twofish (with 5 loaves of bread, Jesus! :-)
How do I win at Monopoly? Well the
Xmas season is coming, so some of you may be spending time
playing Monopoly®. This link explains the
best Monopoly strategy. And yes, all you Linux fans, the question
did come via an official microsoft.com server ;-)
But I decided to take it at its face value, ignoring any possible satire
(sorry, Bill).
posted by Stu Savory on
16th December 2003 at 06:22 Central European Time
Sunday, December 14, 2003
How big is yours? 26?
Alphabet, of course ! Elsewhere last week
Michelle asked me
a deceptivly simple question WHY does English have 26 letters? which
I couldn't answer at the time. But I promised her I'd try to blog an answer.
So here's that try (and please remember, I'm not a linguist, emailed
corrections from professional linguists are welcome):
Europe never produced its own alphabet. A comes from the semitic
Aleph (which means Ox, the pictograph was a rough outline of
an ox's head). So when
Halley raves about her Alpha Males, maybe she just likes big Oxen? :-)
B comes from the Semitic Beth (which means house) etc.
When the Anglo-Saxons became literate (in the sixth century AD) they
simply stole their alphabet from the Romans (Latin has 22 letters, AFAIK).
However they had three sounds for which there were no latin letters.
So they took three letters from their old runic alphabet, namely
W (pronounced double-you [except by eejits]),
thorn (pronounced "th"
and written like the lower-case Greek rho [it's not on the keyboard
here for me to type in, sorry]) and eth (written like
the lower-case Greek delta, and still in use in both parts of Ireland, as far as I'm aware).
When the Normans came (A.D. 1066 and all that) they added G and
Z and eventually dropped Thorn, because they couldn't get their
tongues around it. So 22 plus 3 plus 2 minus 1 = 26, Michelle, OK?
Now spelling was not a strong point in the Middle Ages. Looking at
Robert Cawdrey's Table
Alphabeticall of Hard Wirds published in 1604 (the first English
dictionary, AFAIK) we see that he even spelled words two ways on the title page!
More than 80 (sic!) spellings of Shakespeare's name have been found.
There are only six known signatures made by the Good Bard, no two spelled the same,
he even spelled his own name in two different ways in the same document!
Much Ado about Nothing, indeed!
So you need rules on how to spell (i.e. what are legitimate combinations of letters?).
Not only so that you can write The nine billion Names of God
(a short story I thoroughly recommend, BTW), but even just for everyday life.
You might think that the average person has problems pronouncing tchst,
sthm or tchph ? Not so! Just say
matchstick, asthma or catchphrase.
Introduction of the printing press brought standardisation on the
London spelling. And NO it wasn't Gutenberg's invention, he merely printed a Bible.
Movable Type (not MT, bloggers!) was invented by a Dutchman called Laurens
Janszoon Koster
whose apprentice ran off to Mainz in Germany taking some of Koster's blocks with him.
Said apprentice became a friend of an obscure mirror polisher and
stonemason just prior to 1455. Who was that? Johannes Gutenberg!
In the UK, Caxton's use of printing
helped standardise on 26 letters. Clear now?
I could go on explaining enthusiastically for pages and pages, Michelle, but a
Blog is not the write (sic!) medium for that.
So let me wrap up by recommending a Bill Bryson book called Mother Tongue,
ISBN 0-380-71543-0. Bill is a far better writer than I will ever be. It's a very
enjoyable and erudite book; do please read it, all you blogreaders.
posted by Stu Savory on
14th December 2003 at 07:00 Central European Time
Saturday, December 13, 2003
Positive Feedback
Dog Talk : Several dog-lovers wrote praising thursday's posting
which I did for Frank Paynter. So this is a collective thankyou to all of
you.
Our current bulldog bitch Wilma is nine years old
now and healthy; thanks for asking, Agnete.
BTW
Frank, you have lots of sympathisers from all around the world, I think, not just me!
West Point Mail: Yesterday I got a mail from West Point (the US
military academy), confirming that a cryptography paper which I had
submitted is to be published in the specialist journal Cryptologia early in 2004.
So I'm really happy about this, after all, Cryptologia is the
prestigious publication for code-breakers. It may be less widely read than
Pennhouse, in which
Halley appeared, but I'm surely just as proud as she was.
I do hope that doesn't sound too narcissistic! Bloggers' inside joke: How
do you spell narcissism? Answer: I'm not sure, but I think it starts with rb,
ends with rb, and there's probably an rb in the middle as well :-)
And yes, I do know that Pennhouse should be spelled with a "t", I'm just
making a sly joke in German there, OK?
And I now realise that those website hits I've been getting lately
from dotmil, dj0 and other dotgov hosts were probably just reviewers of
that Cryptologia submission checking the links to my crypto pages
which I gave in the footnotes to my paper.
So wednesday's paranoia about bushwhacking (that word
©Meg)
was superfluous :-)
Still on the subject of crypto, you might like to read the
remarks of
David Kahn, commemorating the 50th Anniversary of the National Security
Agency (NSA), which I found amusing. Dave has a dry,
wry humour. He's multilingual too; when he was in Paderborn, he gave
his lecture here in German. To a packed house! When I asked him to sign my
first-edition copy of his book, he replied dryly that he would only do so if I
gave him a signed copy of one of mine. So I did. That ghasted his flabber :-)
Lying politicians: I've been teased by several bloggers about my Bushwhacking.
But Yule has sent me an
interesting link about the logic behind
political lies. Enjoy!
UK honours list : It was not only Sir Jumping Jack Flash bending the knee.
There was also an english painter honoured. She is called Dame Blackadder!
I wonder if it was really Rowan Atkinson in drag?
Heads or Tails ? If you think all's fair in the US (apart from the elections), you
might want to read
Ivars Peterson's
warning for american tossers.
posted by Stu Savory on
13th December 2003 at 11:23 Central European Time
Thursday, December 11, 2003
@fp : On losing your dog
On Tuesday poor
Frank Paynter blogs about his difficult outstanding decision, when
to put an old and suffering pet (Maggie) down.
That's always gut-wrenching, Frank.

We had to put Bulldog Alma (photo left) down at age 13 due to intestinal cancer.
Dogs are magnificent friends to us. If it's any help, I'm blogging some
quotations from famous dog-lovers for you today.
Theodorus Gaza : The gift which I am sending you is called a dog,
and is in fact the most precious and valuable possession of mankind.
Ambrose Bierce : Dog: A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity
designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
George G. Vest : The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can
have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that
never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog.
Samuel Johnson : I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I
know, than all the allegorical paintings they can show me in the world.
Anonymous : He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true,
to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
We cannot take the load of this so-hard decision from your
saddened shoulders, Frank.
But we fellow dog-bloggers will stand by you when and however you take it.
We will not stay your hand when you choose the sad sweet sweeping scythe of
eternal silence.
Be merciful. Be strong.
posted by Stu Savory on
11th December 2003 at 06:23 Central European Time
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Orwellesque
Is it 1984? : On monday, at 4:58:38 pm local time, which would make it
about 11 am in washing-done, this blog saw a visit from the deep-hard-men
of only frozen water (the words in italics are a paraphrase of just
ice, BTW). Someone taking a dislike to my Buschwhackin', perhaps?
It's enough to make a guy feel paranoid ;-)
Paranoid : was the title of a Black Sabbath hit, sung by Ozzy.
Ozzy fell off his quad on monday too, seriously injuring himself. Bummer.
But this is the guy taking 46 (prescription) drugs a day, who knows that
they screw him up mentally. So he can foresee the consequences of
his own actions too. But then, he also claims he was sexually
molested as a
child. I hadn't realised that MJ was that old ;-) Ozzy ist 54.
Bruno Blum : has written an interesting account of his 20-month,
40,000 mile trip around the world on a Yamaha TT600, through Russia,
Kasachstan, Uzbekistan, Kirgistan, Siberia, Japan, USA and Canada, encountering the usual
oppressive Orwellian burocracy, bribe-taking police, etc. etc.
I have read and can recommend the 20 € German version Geschichten einer
Weltreise ISBN 3-907821-20-3.
BTW : In the first paragraph today I show you how to use
paraphrases and homonyms to prevent search-engines and D0J0 robots
finding certain keywords.
Pennsylvania : And for the person reading this in Pennsylvania,
I've just worked out why the mailmen are overworked in Amish Country.
They have to deliver the faxes and e-mails too, I guess :-) . And the
transport protocol is less reliable too (i.e. it's buggy).
posted by Stu Savory on
10th December 2003 at 06:14 Central European Time
Monday, December 8, 2003
That Miserable Failure
Putty silly :
The US Department of Homeland Severity has emplaced
jackbooted state
'public safety' to
cultivate extermination of non-Dubya opinions whilst introducing
expensive socalled 'security' measures that can be easily
defeated by childrens' toys. Putty silly, huh? Meanwhile US troops in
Iraq - at the behest of that
miserable
failure, Dubya - are quite often blatantly
ignoring the Geneva convention. That's a good definition of war criminal.
Noelle, Noelle : Lots of Xmas-time white powder in New England these days.
So I assume that
Noelle Bush
will be headed that way ;-)
Tossers : The Catholic Church has angered the World Health
Organisation by claiming that all condoms had tiny holes in them which
allowed the AIDS virus to pass through.
Very counterproductive in the
fight against AIDS. The Vatican seems to prefer to kill its believers
instead of saving them. Now since the Lord said "thou shall not
spill thy seed in vain", either the Vatican priests were disobeying highest
instructions (hence the paragraph header) or they have no empirical evidence for their claim.
Your choice. But they are in good company. After all, Dubya has no
empirical evidence for his WMD claims either.
And AIDS is a pretty effective WMD after all. Rome came first.
Bushs After!
Google bomb : Congrats to
Old
fashioned patriot, who has made it to the front page of the
BBC News
website with
Miserable Failure. And did you
note the German language latent Google bomb at the end of the
previous paragraph? Lets go for
Bushs After
now!
posted by Stu Savory on
8th December 2003 at 05:15 Central European Time
Sunday, December 7, 2003
Pearl Harbour Day
Biker stuff : Met my biker friends at the weekend and Matthias gave me a
copy if his pix taken at the
Sammy Miller motorcycle museum in New Milton (in the New Forest)
near Southampton (UK) which he
visited recently.
Tonkin Typhoon; but
you'd certainly need deep pockets to afford one of these
hand-built minimalist beauties.
But maybe I'll win the Xmas lottery(sic!).
Crappy His Mass : Some of the
commercial crap produced in His name
is really bad!
Tora! Tora! Tora! : Today we
remember Pearl Harbour, an event
which saw more Zeroes in action than anything else prior to
the Bush administration.
And have you googled for
Miserable Failure yet today? A Google bomb ©
Old
fashioned patriot.
posted by Stu Savory on
7th December 2003 at 09:00 Central European Time
Saturday, December 6, 2003
Secret feedback
Crypto Redux : After Wednesday's post about the Pocket EnigmaŽ
and how to cryptanalyse it, I got a sarcastic mail from the US East Coast
asking "Aha, cleverdick, but what do you do when the rotor wiring is NOT
known?". So I've appended a section to the
Pocket EnigmaŽ Review
showing how to cryptanalyse an unknown rotor. Again, no maths used, just a
worked example, so that juveniles (and their grandparents) can follow
how I break all those codes :-) Nice to see a visitor from
RSA on the page too :-)
What a Turkey : Our local (German) press reports that in those
press photos in Bagdad of
Dubya giving the troops the bird, it wasn't a
real turkey. Do they mean it was a cheap imitation plastic bird
just for the photo-session? Or do they mean he sent a double? I think Dubya
should realise that it isn't a PR war. Those are real deaths and those are
real people dying. 81 GIs in November alone, let alone
about 10,000 Iraqis. Shame on you Dubya! Resign!
And make way for an elected president!
posted by Stu Savory on
6th December 2003 at 05:22 Central European Time
Friday, December 5, 2003
Bad Writing, IMHO
Prey : I see that
Jeneane has set up a book-wish-list at Amazon. Sadly, it includes
the novel Prey, which I found to be a bad book.
Full of bad science, (bio-)logical non-sequiturs and the author's
usual incitement against technology.
Others are of the same opinion. Take it off your list, Jeneane, and
save yourself a disappointment.
Bad Sex : A special prize has been awarded to the
writers of some of the
worst sex scenes. And our own dear
Halley
wasn't even on the list of candidate authors
;) Oh yes, the category was fick shun.
Gonzo : Much as I enjoyed The Cluetrain
Manifesto by Doc Searls, Chris Locke & Rick Levine, so
I was really disappointed, nay, really annoyed,
by Rageboy's pathetic effort Gonzo Marketing.
And it's not the translator's fault, either.
Chris waffles on for page after page, the good ideas could be compressed
into two or three pages. Good trees and my money wasted on this.
Seemed like a failed
try to cash in on the Cluetrain success. And before somebody
flames me thus . . . "Well you write a book then!",
I have already written several - with my share of flops - so I'm
allowed to criticise! OK?
Again, a croquis had sufficed, not epizeuxis. Epizeuxis is never needed ;)
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (Juvenal, VI. 347-8)
posted by Stu Savory on
5th December 2003 at 09:11 Central European Time
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
Secret codes to boost your career.
Simple crypto secrets : Have you ever thought about learning
some cryptography (secret codes and ciphers)? It could be very helpful
in your corporate career! Consider the following simple substitution cipher:
for each of the letters A, B, C through X, Y, Z substitute their numerical
values 1,2,3 through 24,25,26. This simple code will help you get a 100%
successful career! Just consider:-
First you study to get knowledge.
K N O W L E D G E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%.
So study itself was not enough. Now you need to work hard.
H A R D W O R K = 8+1+18+4 +23+15+18+11 = 98%.
Even this is not enough, you need to get the right attitude towards your career.
A T T I T U D E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%.
So now you have a 100% career lined up!
But after a while you notice that others have better careers because
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%.
So you move over into the marketing department too, for a better career,
only to find out that
1+19+19 +11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%. Bummer, Bummer :-(
A neat crypto toy : Brian Hargrave has invented a neat crypto
toy which is called the Pocket EnigmaŽ. Initially I blogged about it on
October 7th. Brian replied on November 6th and now we've written a common
revised product review of the Pocket EnigmaŽ,
interspersing our comments. To that webpage I have appended a cryptanalysis
of it (i.e. a single rotor Hebern machine) showing the
trivial chosen plaintext attack. Do go read it, I've kept it very
simple, no maths at all, to let kids understand it too.
An electronic Enigma kit: In Holland, some Dutch fellow-
crypto-geeks and electronics hobbyists are now producing a kit of parts,
a printed-circuit board and a circuit diagram to let you build your own
electronic version of the famous German Enigma cipher machine. So if you can use a soldering iron, you might like to go
visit their website.
I've hinted to my better half about a neat Xmas present, so maybe
I'll build one too, then blog a review of that Enigma too, in 2004.
Or am I boring the socks off you?
Apropos Xmas prezzies : here's
Camilla's prezzy for Prince Charles.
posted by Stu Savory on
3rd December 2003 at 06:22 Central European Time
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
Devilish good humour.
New clear in akshun : Those of you working in large corporations
(or the Gummint) may recognise this tale:-
A major research institution recently announce the discovery of the
element with the largest inertia yet known to science, tentatively named
"Burocrappy". Burocrappy has one dense neutron, 79 assistant
neutrons, 175 deputy neutrons and 411 assistant deputy neutrons giving
it an atomic mass of 666. These 666 particles are held together by a
weak force called morons, which are surrounded by a cloud of negative peons.
None of this quark has any charm, or indeed colour, and
almost all of it is completely strange.
And in the case of our German corporations and Gummint, they all spin.
Can you string along with this theory?
Zounds: I don't believe that there are any gods, but if there
were, then I think the biblical one, YWHW, would be the one with
a sense of appropriateness. But judge for yourselves:
Vengeance is mine saith the Lord (Romans 12:19).
Windows : Even if you are a Linux fan, I think you'll like Jos
Demey's whole new perspective on Windows 93.
After all, a major feature of the MS SW was claimed (Ballmer, 2001) to be
orthogonality of the design. As illustrated?
posted by Stu Savory on
2nd December 2003 at 06:01 Central European Time
Monday, December 1, 2003
Inna Lekshul Photos.
House of cards : The Bush administration has extended its set of
propaganda tricks. Now Americans are being sold, not only down the river but also
so-called "Freedom Cards", a pack of patriotic (their word) playing cards
(they are actually made in China) which honour the "heroes" (their
word) of the
current war. And which card features Condoleeza Rice,
the first black woman to be national security adviser? Oops, it's the
Queen of Spades!
And all these card packs will be bought up by Al Quaeda of course, and
distributed to their suicide bombers & snipers in the US. Well thought through,
Mist ah-Preznit!
Health issues : Have you noticed that the warning notices
on cigarette packets have been getting
more drastic recently. Apropos the kid stuff,
have you seen MJ's choice of Xmas wrapping paper?
On location : BTW: if I ever need to clean up my blog, I'd do so in
Bari (Italy). And if I otherwise needed to go
to (an arsey) confession,
I'd do so in Cannes (France).
Mom'n'Pop : For some unearthly reason
Meg wants to
see a photo of our parents.
Both my parents were better persons than I will ever be.
Not in the least for pointing me to Philip Larkin's poetry.
2 B Innalekshul: Henry Dudek says (& thanks to
fp
for forwarding it)
- If you know more and more about less and less each year. . .
- If news reports of the discovery of a new elementary particle, an early
human bone, or a planet orbiting around a far-off star get you really
excited. . .
- If you've given up using the dictionary because you get so distracted
by other interesting words that you forget which one you're looking up. . .
. . . then you might be an innalekshul.
Hmmm, been there, done that. But I would add
If you just can't fathom why people don't enjoy maths . . .
maybe they just don't have enough
wiles?
posted by Stu Savory on
1st December 2003 at 06:09 Central European Time
To see the previous months in my Blog, please visit the archives.